Quick Story: The Blind Leading the Blind

I just started out as a trainee for a local hospital. One day, I was asked to help a blind coworker down to his bus stop. Since I was heading in that direction, I agreed and offered my arm to lead him. To get to the bus stop, we had to walk through a parking lot. Being a popular hospital, there were many vehicles in the lot. We moved a long well, dodging between the park cars to get to the bus stop. I came to a large parked truck that had wide mirrors. I instinctively ducked, forgetting the man following could not see it. BAM! He smacked his head off the mirror. We had to turn around and go back to the hospital for stitches. I avoided him for the rest of my training.

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The Best and the Worst Short Stories of 2012

 Based on pageviews:

The Least Viewed Quick Story of 2012: Two Little Kids

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. 

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" 

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." 

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream.. It's a breeze" 

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" 

The first kid says, "A circumcision." 

The second kid replies, "Whoa! Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Original posting can be found here

The Best Short Story of 2012: KY Jelly Story

A doctor story:

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

KY Jelly (a lubricant)  is made by Johnson & Johnson

The USA's Kentucky state (abbreviated KY)



Original posting can be found here



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Quick Story: Picabo

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete.... She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU."

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Related Postings:Two Little Boys
Calling Off of Work
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Quick Story: Two Little Kids

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. 

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" 

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." 

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream.. It's a breeze" 

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" 

The first kid says, "A circumcision." 

The second kid replies, "Whoa! Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Related Postings:
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Picabo

Don't forget to like Dr. Carm on Facebook. You can view updates, funny sayings, and cartoons!

Quick Story: Appendicitis

A doctor story:

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

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KY Jelly
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Quick Story: Eye Exam

A doctor story: 

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."

Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with

both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

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Quick Story: Elderly Woman

A doctor story:

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 

"Big breaths," I instructed.

"Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.

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Quick Story: Pelvic Exam

A doctor story:

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. 

He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" 

She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'"

Oscar Mayer can be found here! Gotta love those hot dogs!



The Oscar Mayer Wiener song can found here

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner
That is what I truly wish to be
cause if i were a oscar mayer weiner
everyone would be in love
oh everyone would be in love
everyone would be in love with me

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Quick Story: KY Jelly

A doctor story:

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

KY Jelly (a lubricant)  is made by Johnson & Johnson

The USA's Kentucky state (abbreviated KY)



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Pelvic Exam
Getting Older
Elderly Woman
Appendicitis
Blind Leading the Blind

Quick Story: The Patch

A doctor story:

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 

"Which one?" I asked. 

"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" 

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

 

 

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Quick Story: Massive Myocardial Infarct

A doctor story:

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he

had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr Carm's note: Why the doctor didn't just say heart attack is beyond me....

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Quick Story: The Hospital

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?"

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; we offer a teaspoon, a  teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the  bathtub."

1. Would you use the spoon?

2. Would you use the teacup?

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."

"Noooooo," answered the Director. "A normal person

would pull the plug."

(You are not required to tell anyone how you did on

this test)

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Short Story: Getting Older

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.  He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% . The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the

doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

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The Patch
KY Jelly
Elderly Woman
Appendicitis

Quick Story: Baby in a Cab

Dr. Carm wants to share a quick story about a colleague that has been circulated through email:

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby

in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's

dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that

there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one!


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