Fun Diagnosis - Patient # 3 Lyra

Lyra came to Dr. Carm for help not too long ago....

After a few appointments and tests, it has been concluded that she has Folivora Ananas Comosus Disease (FACD).

Folivora Ananas Comosus Disease (FACD)

FACD has six symptoms and can be diagnosed through observations or blood tests. FACD symptoms include:

1.       Divert sleeping patterns. FACD sufferers find that they lack energy and must sleep longer than most of their human counterparts. It was first determined that FACD sufferers are somnolent and should sleep 15 to 18 hours each day. However, Dr. Neil Rattenborg discovered that only 10 hours a day is sufficient for FACD sufferers to function. This does not mean that they do not like to sleep 15-18 hours. Unfortunately, real life calls them back to the world of wakefulness.

2.       Because their sleep patterns are different than the average human, FACD sufferers exhibit slow movements and poor muscle control. This causes them to move like a Muppet.

In order to gain control of their movements and wakeful state, FACD sufferers try to engage in physical activities such as aerobics. This can cause the person to become even more tired, even though they are pleasantly pleased with their performance.

3.       People who have FACD might find themselves in need of constant hydration. This symptom is partly unexplained by the medical world. Interestingly enough, some doctors have concluded that this helps keep them in a semi-wakeful state. By hydrating often, they must relieve themselves several times throughout the day. This allows them to remain conscious [at least in theory].

4.       Another symptom is obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). For Lyra, one obsessive behavior is nail polish. She has a high need to collect and paint.  She will forgo long-term benefits for the immediate relief of nail polishing pleasure. This disorder is considered at least moderate to severe among FACD sufferers.

5.       FACD sufferers have unusual eating habits. Although they prefer vegetables to meat, they conflict their healthy habits with an abundance of bake goods. They tend to make the bake goods themselves (share a portion of the desserts with others to avoid any guilty emotions) and then consume the rest hidden away in their habitat.

6.       Finally, because they have unusual eating habits, FACD sufferers have been known to self-poison. For instance, Lyra will continue to eat fresh pineapples despite the slight allergic reaction to the bromelain.

FACD is a heredity disorder that can skip every few generations randomly. It is possible that parents and their children have the condition, but it is not necessary.
A permanent cure is not yet available [testing is still being done on humans], but there are ways to help relieve the symptoms of FACD.

Sleep is one way to make people with FACD happy. A note should be obtained from their physician so that they can nap at work. Because sleep is important to those with FACD, the occupation should also allow other coworkers nap time as well. This provides a nice quiet environment to sleep.

For those that suffer from extreme Muppet-like movements, a straightjacket or other restrictive sleeves should be used. This prevents an indirect harm to themselves or others.

Finally, support groups and interventions should be used to prevent self-poisoning. In extreme conditions, commitment in a psych ward might necessary.

*The Muppets were created by Jim Henson and is legally contracted with the Walt Disney Company.

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Fun Diagnosis - Patient # 2 Sam

First off, I would like to thank Sam for becoming one of Dr. Carm’s newest patients. I have had only the past few weeks to observe and treat Sam. However, after some extensive tests and research, I have finally reached a diagnosis.

Verisimilitude Eremita Syndrome (VES)

VES is a rare condition that randomly displays itself amongst a variety of people. It actually has a variety of symptoms. Below are the main symptoms; and a person would need to have 4 of the 5 to be diagnosed with VES:

Lives in a virtual reality (or believes that they can enter one)

Exhibits hermitlike behavior

Acquires a taste for oranges and/or bananas

Portrays compulsive and anxiety type behaviors (although they may or may not be diagnosed with OCD—obsessive compulsive disorder—or an anxiety disorder)

Sith-like intentions

Note: LEAP is an easy way to remember the main symptoms of VES.

Other symptoms that can be found among cases of VES are: the inability to become cold, having an attention span of a goldfish, random bleeding, sporadic crying, stomach upsets, random laughing, weird mewing sounds, and sushi eating.

Because the symptoms are not closely related, diagnoses are hard to make. The physician must observe and ask questions to determine the direct cause of their illness. Usually the patient is unaware of most of their symptoms, because they believe they are normal. However, they know something is wrong, which is why they seek medical help.

VES is a relatively new syndrome, discovered within the past century. There is still much research being conducted on the causes and treatments. What we do know, is:

VES is not heredity, although there have been cases where immediate family members also have it. However, no gene has been discovered in connection with VES. Therefore, it is believed that VES is caused by certain conditions in one’s environment. One bold scientist has argued that excessive video game playing can cause frontal lobe damage in the brain. The electronic waves transmit signals to the brain’s chemistry which alters its functions. Hence, VES appears. Others have refuted this claim, doubting the authenticity of the research. More research is being conducted at this time.

Regardless of whether it is nature vs. nurture, VES affects at least 1 in 56 people in the world. The number is argued to be higher, but VES does not always require medical attention. Many cases are not reported or discovered.

A cure for VES is currently being studied. Some forms of treatment that could lead to the possibility of a cure or at least reduction in symptoms, include:

Electric shock therapy

Partial brain removal

Medication (Side effects are abundant and not recommended for most people. Some side effects are death, epilepsy, stroke, VES, and various forms of cancer)

People with VES should not feel discouraged. The medical world is rapidly changing and new cures are being discovered daily. If you believe you or a family member might have VES and would like to discuss treatment options, please consult with your primary care physician who can make an official diagnosis. Dr. Carm would be happy to write a reference if needed.



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Patient #3: Lyra 
Patient #4: Desiree 
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